I Told God I Was Scared

Church camp is something that many people who claim to  have faith will tell you has been extremely influential in their lives. For me, the story is no different. Every summer since I started going to church, I have been to a camp called Falls Creek. Each year I have come away with a story of how God has moved. This year, as my last as a student with the youth group I’ve been the closest with- the very last night there was a moment that is in the top three of moving moments.

The band played a song called Great I Am. The crowd sang loudly. The room was emotionally charged. Suddenly, in the middle of the song, the leader told us to be still. He told us to tell God whatever it was that we had been holding back. He challenged us to tell God the truth. Then there was silence. I started to tell God the things that you’d expect. I started with how great He was. I was sorry for not always doing my best to live the way that I should. I found myself falling silent even in my mind. That wasn’t what I wanted to tell Him. Finally, I just said it. I said what I hadn’t admitted to hardly anyone. Very candidly I said, “God, I’m scared.” After admitting it, I broke down and sobbed.

If you make a habit of speaking to God, I’m sure He has his own way of answering you. I hope I am not the only one who always seems to get the sassy answers. Maybe I am. Maybe that’s because I have a tendency to be pretty sassy myself. God, in the way He so often does with me, seemed to answer me very simply: And?

Okay. Thanks. Wow. So encouraged.

Just a short time later, I was on my camping trip. (You can read more about that here.) We were hiking up to the Skyline Trail. As was a large problem for me, I couldn’t breathe. The group stopped so that I could catch my breath. When I finally got a chance to look up, I lost my breath for a whole other reason. The sight I saw was something I could never fully describe. In front of me was the expanse of nature. Thousands of huge trees looked miniature beneath me. Mountains reaching up to clear perfectly blue skies surrounded us. A bird chirped. My eyes filled with tears. My God created all of this. Then I heard the message that He had been trying to get across to me:

I created all of this. Every leaf, flower, bird, cloud. I chose how tall the trees would grow and placed the stars that put you in awe last night. I designed the body that has carried you all these miles. I wrote your story. You can be scared- that’s fine. But you have to remember that none of this is new for Me. I’m going to use you for the purpose I’ve designed. I won’t leave you. I haven’t left you. I won’t start now. 

      I stumbled across a pin on Pinterest and couldn’t seem to find where the original quote came from, but it said, “You have chosen me and called me to great things. So I will chose to say yes to your way, your will, your plans.” Yes, I am scared. I will not allow that to stop me from saying yes. I will not let my fear keep me from going after the dreams I’ve been chasing.

       Say yes. Be willing to step out of the boat. When the winds howl and the rain falls, remember that the God who called you to the water will not let you sink.

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